Diary Entry #4

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country

27th May 2010

Today started with a massive explosion that allowed my dust covered skin to jump. I am not sure if I am able to endure this unbearable agony any longer. It's seriously killing me. Just by being in this dark god-forsaken room, I'm disgusted with my surroundings. Its been almost 2 days since I last had food to consume. Its been almost a month since I cleaned, wiped or even washed myself properly. I am hungry, filthy and miserable. When oh when will this bloody war END! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? Whoever finds this piece of paper and reads it would probably understand how very lucky they are to be able to even have time to read it. I wish things were back to normal. I wish things were like they used to be, with clear blue skies and birds chirping a melody in the morning, waking up to the smell of freshly toasted bread, I wish things were NORMAL. Oh Diary, how I wish. I'd eat just about anything. I'm starving. I left the room today Diary, I tried to find something to eat. As soon as I opened the door, a gush of humid air slapped me in the face and suffocated me. It was like walking into an oven. The buildings were swallowed by flames and bodies were just lying there. I tried not to look at their faces. I couldn't help it. I doubt I can ever remove that image from my memory. They were burned and decomposed and just gone. Its so depressing. Well Diary that's just another day being ALIVE. I'll hopefully write again soon :/

Diary Entry #3

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country

26th May 2010

Good morning Diary. Its 4am and I am having difficulty sleeping, It feels as though my lungs are refusing to help me breathe. I think it's from all the ash and dust in the air. I'm living in what I would call a "box". Its literally a small room with no windows and only one small hole in the left corner. How I could actually allow myself to stay in such a small and unhygienic room is still lingering in my mind. Oh yes of course, we're in the middle of a bloody war! How could I forget. Oh diary, I wonder how mum and dad are doing. How is everyone doing? There are five people in this room with me and we barely talk to each other. Everyone is in their own world I guess. Everyone is trying their best not to face the truth. What's the truth? The truth is Diary, everyone is dead. The ones we loved. The ones who loved us. EVERYONE. Its sad, no one can deny that, but that's the truth. I sit here with a small candle and a pen and paper writing with tears crawling down my face because I know what the truth is. There's really no point living in denial and trying to make sense of the situation and hoping for a better day. To be honest, I'm just waiting for death to come and take me away from this hell. For me to die and reunite with my family and loved ones. Oh Diary, how I wish it would be that simple. Till next time then. x

Diary Entry #2

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country"

25th May 2010

Well hello there Diary. I am still alive and it's 19 days now. I saw a little girl today and she was lying on the concrete ground with ashes and rubble scattered all over her body. She had dark brown hair and her eyes were closed. She was gone. She hasn't even experienced anything and she was gone. We had to move to a different location this morning because the thundering sound was crawling closer to us. That means that the bombs were close. That means we would've gotten blown up if we stayed. I can't remember how many bodies I've seen since this all began. It's like I'm living in a nightmare. It's constantly dark, humid and filthy in these places we move to. Trust me when I say you'd rather die then breathe this air I'm currently breathing. It's like dirty socks and garlic blended together and smothered all over the place. To be honest It's revolting! I hope whoever finds this pathetic looking book with scribbles on it known as words can understand and realise what people were going through when the war happened. When I say "people" I mean me. I'll be writing more soon. Hopefully. 

Diary Entry #1

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country"

24th May 2010

It's my birthday today and I just turned 17 years old. I'm fortunate enough to be alive on this day. Birthdays are usually supposed to be full of pleasant thoughts and happiness and all sorts of things like that right? You couldn't be more wrong. I am filthy, broken, damaged and threatened by death. My country has been at war now for 18 days. I am actually counting and praying that the next day wouldn't be my last.

I have no clue where my parents are, no clue whose alive and whose not. I'm simply alone. Breathing but without reason except hope. I never imagined to be celebrating my birthday with tears sliding into the cracks on my lips and giving me the burning sensation that helps reminds me of the fact that I'm still alive and that this is all REAL. 

Loud thunders exploding around me, followed by horrific cries that I assure would make you wish you were deaf. 18 days of pure violence. What I simply cannot comprehend is why hasn't it stopped? What happens when it does? Will it ever be the same as it was before? Will I ever see my family and friends again? I wish you could answer these questions for me Diary. Your the only escape I have. 

Complimentary Art (:

HOLLAND

On my last trip to Holland, these were found in the alleys.

HAMBURG

In the malls.

Last would be just a little taste of heaven. 

Random ramble x

Love. Infatuation.

6th July 2010

1:03 p.m

Secure. Loved. Beautiful. 

You make me feel all those things. Your smile when your eyes capture my presence is like a child’s facial expression when he steps foot in a theme park. Happy and excited. Happiness flows through me when I’m within your reach. I am able to take off my mask when I’m with you. You allow me to be who I REALLY am. It is very seldom I get to do that. I guess I'm comfortable enough with you. I don’t think I can handle the fact of Love though. My heart simply cannot continue being broken. I've been hurt and I am not going to allow myself to go through that excruciating pain and again.

 He damaged me. He broke me and took away my ability to love. The feeling of being unloved has been inside me for over a year. He took my love towards him for granted. I understand that every human has a flaw. Has an imperfection. But who is he to judge me? Who is he to highlight my imperfections? He made me believe that I wasn’t good enough to even breathe his air. To walk on the same planet he lives on. Oh how vulnerable I was when I was his property. Why did I allow myself to be treated with no respect? I was like a dog running back to her owner.

I needed him to tell me how to live my life. I needed him to guide me. I bought all the bullshit he threw at me. Even though EVERYONE knew what he was doing to me or with me. Sadness and regret is the emotions that possess me when my mind excogitates on about the one man I thought I loved.

In a way you are saving me from drowning in the thoughts I have of him. You’re my angel. All I ask is for you to be patient. It will take time for me to feel love towards you. When I love, I give my ALL. My breathe, my mind, my body, and hopefully my heart. Tears are filling up my eyes as I write these words.

Memories can never truly be erased. They are there to remind me of the mistakes I’ve made. Those memories will prevent me from making those mistakes again. Let me ask you something first. Why do you love me? Why should I have your love? Questions that need answers to. Can I trust you? How do I get to know the truth? How do I know once you have my love, you won’t use it and throw it out the window? How do I know you won’t take advantage of it and take it for granted?

I am worth more than just a simple “I Love You”. I've changed. I'm not going to settle for only 3 words. You can call me selfish. But the truth is I want to be. The pain that I’ve struggled to overcome is never going to be inflicted on me again. That chapter of my life has ended. And you are my first page of the next chapter. My trust won’t be easy to gain access of anymore. I’ve realized and I’ve opened my eyes to see what the real world is. It’s actually NASTY! I'm done being my old weak, pathetic self. I still have hope though. I hope you are. Genuine. I hope you’re not feeding me bullshit. I hope you are capable of being patient and capable to wait for my love.

It probably means more to me then it would to you. But I want to love you. My heart just won’t allow it yet. I'm still gluing the pieces back together. How do I fast forward the healing process? How can I stop you from suffering? I will never stop loving him. But I will start loving you. How do you know your love towards me isn’t infatuation? How are you so confident it is love? If only our lives were easier… then maybe I could learn to love again… then only your suffering would end. 

Then only I can repay you for your patience.

Vacant.

6th July 2010

11:14 a.m

Vacant. 

The mind works in many ways, of which most of us cannot understand. It is complex and filled with imagination, thoughts, aspirations, love and many other baffling and complicated things. When one is in a situation where she is simple undesired by Him, she tends to feel as though she has no meaning. His arrogance is something she does not wish to tolerate. Hence, the saying “Love works in many ways”. She doesn’t see or feel what he’s inflicting on her. The emotional trauma she’s going through makes her oblivious and blind. She desires him more then he could ever fathom. But her efforts don’t affect him at all. The beginning was blissful and surreal. But now it’s just fallacious and painful. Observing what she is becoming is agony alone. You and I wouldn’t be able to live and breathe the way she does. Her life is full of blackness. Her canvas is no longer painted with a million vibrant colors anymore. It is black and white. Dull. Alone. Unloved.

*Just a random ramble by moi :)