Tied Up.

Hello there dear readers of my oh-so-awesome blog :)

I apologies for not being able to update my blog for quite a while now. The reason would be that I have been tied up with packing and cleaning. To be honest I am EXHAUSTED.
The thing with moving is that your able to go through all your belongings and you realise just how much stuff you really have. Its almost impossible to believe the amount of things I had to throw or give away. I have no idea about you guys out there, but I like to keep a box full of little memories. 

I was able to go through it and lets just say I strolled down memory lane (:

I sat with my legs crossed on my naked bed and placed the small black box on top of my lap and marvelled at what was inside. My first box of contact lenses, My little keychain which looked like a small alien with buttons as eyes, My farewell cards written by my old classmates back in Malaysia, all these things in that small box. The things that might not mean anything to you, but means the world to me.

You know the feeling you get when you go through your things and pictures and you get small flashbacks? Some feelings are sad, some happy? I had a lot of that kind of feelings today. There was a moment where I was truly happy with my life here in Dubai, and the next  moment sad because I miss my home in Malaysia. Funny isn't it how emotions change its mind ?

Well were moving tomorrow across the street to the next building. I am finally going to have my own room, with a WINDOW! :D For those who know me, know that my room now isn't equipped with a window. Yes, that's right, 3 years living in a room with no window.

I'm off  to bed now since I am forced to wake up at 8.30a.m :/

Yet another ramble by yours truly.

Diary Entry #4

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country

27th May 2010

Today started with a massive explosion that allowed my dust covered skin to jump. I am not sure if I am able to endure this unbearable agony any longer. It's seriously killing me. Just by being in this dark god-forsaken room, I'm disgusted with my surroundings. Its been almost 2 days since I last had food to consume. Its been almost a month since I cleaned, wiped or even washed myself properly. I am hungry, filthy and miserable. When oh when will this bloody war END! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? Whoever finds this piece of paper and reads it would probably understand how very lucky they are to be able to even have time to read it. I wish things were back to normal. I wish things were like they used to be, with clear blue skies and birds chirping a melody in the morning, waking up to the smell of freshly toasted bread, I wish things were NORMAL. Oh Diary, how I wish. I'd eat just about anything. I'm starving. I left the room today Diary, I tried to find something to eat. As soon as I opened the door, a gush of humid air slapped me in the face and suffocated me. It was like walking into an oven. The buildings were swallowed by flames and bodies were just lying there. I tried not to look at their faces. I couldn't help it. I doubt I can ever remove that image from my memory. They were burned and decomposed and just gone. Its so depressing. Well Diary that's just another day being ALIVE. I'll hopefully write again soon :/

Diary Entry #3

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country

26th May 2010

Good morning Diary. Its 4am and I am having difficulty sleeping, It feels as though my lungs are refusing to help me breathe. I think it's from all the ash and dust in the air. I'm living in what I would call a "box". Its literally a small room with no windows and only one small hole in the left corner. How I could actually allow myself to stay in such a small and unhygienic room is still lingering in my mind. Oh yes of course, we're in the middle of a bloody war! How could I forget. Oh diary, I wonder how mum and dad are doing. How is everyone doing? There are five people in this room with me and we barely talk to each other. Everyone is in their own world I guess. Everyone is trying their best not to face the truth. What's the truth? The truth is Diary, everyone is dead. The ones we loved. The ones who loved us. EVERYONE. Its sad, no one can deny that, but that's the truth. I sit here with a small candle and a pen and paper writing with tears crawling down my face because I know what the truth is. There's really no point living in denial and trying to make sense of the situation and hoping for a better day. To be honest, I'm just waiting for death to come and take me away from this hell. For me to die and reunite with my family and loved ones. Oh Diary, how I wish it would be that simple. Till next time then. x

Diary Entry #2

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country"

25th May 2010

Well hello there Diary. I am still alive and it's 19 days now. I saw a little girl today and she was lying on the concrete ground with ashes and rubble scattered all over her body. She had dark brown hair and her eyes were closed. She was gone. She hasn't even experienced anything and she was gone. We had to move to a different location this morning because the thundering sound was crawling closer to us. That means that the bombs were close. That means we would've gotten blown up if we stayed. I can't remember how many bodies I've seen since this all began. It's like I'm living in a nightmare. It's constantly dark, humid and filthy in these places we move to. Trust me when I say you'd rather die then breathe this air I'm currently breathing. It's like dirty socks and garlic blended together and smothered all over the place. To be honest It's revolting! I hope whoever finds this pathetic looking book with scribbles on it known as words can understand and realise what people were going through when the war happened. When I say "people" I mean me. I'll be writing more soon. Hopefully. 

Diary Entry #1

As you all know this is a student blog.

We had weekend tasks to write 4 diary entries based on the topic

"Your country has been invaded by a foreign country"

24th May 2010

It's my birthday today and I just turned 17 years old. I'm fortunate enough to be alive on this day. Birthdays are usually supposed to be full of pleasant thoughts and happiness and all sorts of things like that right? You couldn't be more wrong. I am filthy, broken, damaged and threatened by death. My country has been at war now for 18 days. I am actually counting and praying that the next day wouldn't be my last.

I have no clue where my parents are, no clue whose alive and whose not. I'm simply alone. Breathing but without reason except hope. I never imagined to be celebrating my birthday with tears sliding into the cracks on my lips and giving me the burning sensation that helps reminds me of the fact that I'm still alive and that this is all REAL. 

Loud thunders exploding around me, followed by horrific cries that I assure would make you wish you were deaf. 18 days of pure violence. What I simply cannot comprehend is why hasn't it stopped? What happens when it does? Will it ever be the same as it was before? Will I ever see my family and friends again? I wish you could answer these questions for me Diary. Your the only escape I have. 

Complimentary Art (:

HOLLAND

On my last trip to Holland, these were found in the alleys.

HAMBURG

In the malls.

Last would be just a little taste of heaven. 

Random ramble x

Love. Infatuation.

6th July 2010

1:03 p.m

Secure. Loved. Beautiful. 

You make me feel all those things. Your smile when your eyes capture my presence is like a child’s facial expression when he steps foot in a theme park. Happy and excited. Happiness flows through me when I’m within your reach. I am able to take off my mask when I’m with you. You allow me to be who I REALLY am. It is very seldom I get to do that. I guess I'm comfortable enough with you. I don’t think I can handle the fact of Love though. My heart simply cannot continue being broken. I've been hurt and I am not going to allow myself to go through that excruciating pain and again.

 He damaged me. He broke me and took away my ability to love. The feeling of being unloved has been inside me for over a year. He took my love towards him for granted. I understand that every human has a flaw. Has an imperfection. But who is he to judge me? Who is he to highlight my imperfections? He made me believe that I wasn’t good enough to even breathe his air. To walk on the same planet he lives on. Oh how vulnerable I was when I was his property. Why did I allow myself to be treated with no respect? I was like a dog running back to her owner.

I needed him to tell me how to live my life. I needed him to guide me. I bought all the bullshit he threw at me. Even though EVERYONE knew what he was doing to me or with me. Sadness and regret is the emotions that possess me when my mind excogitates on about the one man I thought I loved.

In a way you are saving me from drowning in the thoughts I have of him. You’re my angel. All I ask is for you to be patient. It will take time for me to feel love towards you. When I love, I give my ALL. My breathe, my mind, my body, and hopefully my heart. Tears are filling up my eyes as I write these words.

Memories can never truly be erased. They are there to remind me of the mistakes I’ve made. Those memories will prevent me from making those mistakes again. Let me ask you something first. Why do you love me? Why should I have your love? Questions that need answers to. Can I trust you? How do I get to know the truth? How do I know once you have my love, you won’t use it and throw it out the window? How do I know you won’t take advantage of it and take it for granted?

I am worth more than just a simple “I Love You”. I've changed. I'm not going to settle for only 3 words. You can call me selfish. But the truth is I want to be. The pain that I’ve struggled to overcome is never going to be inflicted on me again. That chapter of my life has ended. And you are my first page of the next chapter. My trust won’t be easy to gain access of anymore. I’ve realized and I’ve opened my eyes to see what the real world is. It’s actually NASTY! I'm done being my old weak, pathetic self. I still have hope though. I hope you are. Genuine. I hope you’re not feeding me bullshit. I hope you are capable of being patient and capable to wait for my love.

It probably means more to me then it would to you. But I want to love you. My heart just won’t allow it yet. I'm still gluing the pieces back together. How do I fast forward the healing process? How can I stop you from suffering? I will never stop loving him. But I will start loving you. How do you know your love towards me isn’t infatuation? How are you so confident it is love? If only our lives were easier… then maybe I could learn to love again… then only your suffering would end. 

Then only I can repay you for your patience.

Vacant.

6th July 2010

11:14 a.m

Vacant. 

The mind works in many ways, of which most of us cannot understand. It is complex and filled with imagination, thoughts, aspirations, love and many other baffling and complicated things. When one is in a situation where she is simple undesired by Him, she tends to feel as though she has no meaning. His arrogance is something she does not wish to tolerate. Hence, the saying “Love works in many ways”. She doesn’t see or feel what he’s inflicting on her. The emotional trauma she’s going through makes her oblivious and blind. She desires him more then he could ever fathom. But her efforts don’t affect him at all. The beginning was blissful and surreal. But now it’s just fallacious and painful. Observing what she is becoming is agony alone. You and I wouldn’t be able to live and breathe the way she does. Her life is full of blackness. Her canvas is no longer painted with a million vibrant colors anymore. It is black and white. Dull. Alone. Unloved.

*Just a random ramble by moi :)

Sound Is Music.

Lets just say that I have a very wide range of favourite genres. 

I am a very well rounded type of person when it comes to the type of music I allow my ears to indulge in. 

*Pssssttt! You can click on the songs and listen to them straight away

I am just nice enough to link them to the actual song :)

# One

SECONDHAND SERENADE 

This band is actually a one man show. Stunning isn't it? 

This is the kind of music that's most suitable for when your going through a heartbreak or *emo* moments. Come on people! There is nothing wrong with listening to songs while you cry 

*looks away and whistles*

My top 3 songs by them, or in this case "him" would be:

*Your Call

*Like A Knife

*Fall For You

# Two

OWL CITY

Now this band is epic. The lead singer has such a feminine yet masculine voice, it amazes me.

The songs that they sing are sometimes pointless yet sweet and adorably cute!.

In the beginning I was confused as to what message they're trying to tell me.

That was until I learnt to just Enjoy it, Accept it and Love it

Top 3 songs by them would be:

* Fireflies

* Vanilla Twilight

* The Saltwater Room

# Three

LADY GAGA

Who isn't aware of Lady Gaga?

She is the iconic freak that everyone simple either loves or hates.

And I Love Her. Her music is edgy and to the point. 

She's fearless and that is shown through her wardrobe choices. 

That's how people perceive her, well at least that's how I perceive her. :)

Her music videos are revolutionary and brilliant.

Top 3 songs by her would be:

* Bad Romance

* Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)

* Beautiful, Dirty, Rich

# Four

RIHANNA

Rihanna had developed into a strong individual due to the beatings from her ex boyfriend.

This is what we call super drama :)

Almost every song she makes tells a story which I personally can relate to.

She went from good girl to a proper rebel.

I applause and salute her victorious outcome. 

Top 3 songs by her would be:

* Only Girl In The World.

* Te Amo

* Russian Roulette 

# Five

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

MCR was a band that just like Secondhand Serenade, I grew up with. 

They have changed they're genre though since their latest album is more of a punk rock with a hint of house. 

I still prefer their old genre. ROCK.

Their songs were full of emotions and I was just simply in awe.

The lead singers voice haunts me and sometimes capable of sending a chill down my spine.

Top 3 songs by them would be:

* Helena

* I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

* Cancer

# Six

EMINEM

Not only did he have a hard life. He is also someone who made it with no nonsense.

The same way any teenage girl would drool over Edward Cullen, I drool over him.

He is full of talent and speaks the truth without fail.

This genre is Rap. I love the fact that he is confident and how he doesn't depend on anyone but himself. He is the definition of a strong character. 

He was the one who made it all on his own without any help. Salute to that :)

Top 3 songs by him would be:

* Beautiful

* Mockingbird

* When I'm Gone

I hope you now understand the different types of music that are available and how 

sometimes they can affect you no matter what genre.

Some may listen to only rock and think R&B is useless, some may think otherwise.

We are all different individuals and yet we all live on the same planet.

So music is the same thing.

Give it a chance.

I have and trust me when I say I love any song or rhythm that tells a story.

*That's another ramble by yours truly :) Hope you Enjoyed. 

Athletics Meet.

Yesterday I attended the 18th Annual Athletic Meet held by Our Own English High School, Dubai. 
If you haven't been to one, you are definitely missing out on one of the most exciting events that could ever be held by any school. It was held at the Police Stadium opposite Wafi Mall.
Hundreds of students gather on the lush green field and open the day with a marching ceremony along with reciting the athletic oath. To be honest, it was very grand.

Then the events start. I took part in the shot put, so they called the numbers along with mine and asked for us to head to the far left corner of the field where the event will be taking place. The super seniors were the first to compete. There were about 20+ students that were participating.

The first girl who threw the ball stepped into the circled area and prepared to throw. I was trying my best to practice since she looked very threatening. She was tall and large and she had won gold last year. It was nice knowing some of the participants from last year, I was familiar with quite a number of them since I also took part in shot put last year. The first girl threw the shot put and I held my breathe while it was in mid air. When it landed 8 meters away, I felt as if there was no need to continue. I felt as though it was over. That's it I wasn't going to win. Its over. Everyone else threw an average of 6-7 meters. My first throw landed at 7.10 meters and  let me just say, I was damn happy. When the 3rd round began I was feeling quite exhilarated at the fact that I was now in the 3rd position. That was until the last girl threw. Sweat already dripping down from my temples, my breathe was at a standstill. It landed with a THUD and trust me when I say that it was far. The officials measured it and the first word that came out of her mouth was "SEVEN". I didn't want to hear anything anymore. The distance was 7.18 meters. only 0.03 meters less then what I threw. I went crazy and started yelling :D I received the bronze medal. :)

After my event was the running competitions. That was insanely exciting. I was screaming and yelling my support to such an extent that i have no lost the ability to use my voice. How awesome right? -__-"

Overall the Winchester School made it to the finals for the running competitions and I haven't been informed of the results yet. When I get the results I shall promise to share it with my fellow readers. :)

For now that's all the rambling I'm capable of doing. Hope you enjoyed ;) x

Is It Really Necessary?

Everyone should know that junk food is really detrimental to your health. It doesn't take a genius to know that little piece of information. The question is do you really know why?

I will blog about the facts and all the other small pieces of information to answer that question some other time. But here is a video I made for my English class. Watch it. Please? :)

*click here*


x

Assessments.

My sincere apologies for not being able to update my blog very much for the past couple of weeks. The Winchester school is currently going through the first set of assessments and to be honest, I was not looking forward to it at all. Who would look forward to studying and taking tests/exams that would then be graded? Seriously. 

I have done almost all my papers and now I have only Business Studies to look forward to on Monday. How awesome! *sarcasm intended* :) 

Tomorrow I have the Athletes Meet, I'm participating in the short-put super seniors event. I haven't really had any training at all, so I have no clue how I'll do tomorrow. 

Well that was just a quick update on what's going on :)

Rambled by yours truly x

Profoundly Different .

How does your public image differ from your private self?

Everyone wants needs to be able to tell people who they really are, or how they really feel towards something right? Wrong. I'm sure you have no problem with showing people your real self. You have nothing to hide, you don't care much about people who judge you and you feel awesome about yourself. Some people aren't like that. 

For those of you who know me, you may say I'm always happy, smiling, lovable, strong and etc. But am I really? or is that how I want you to see me as? Not many people know my private self. Not even a handful. I always hide behind a mask which I plaster on when I'm out in public. I want people to perceive me as the strong one who never feels down. I like being the person people come to for advice and trust. 

My private self on the other hand is very different. 


When I'm alone or around people I trust, that's when I show my true self. The normal, imperfect, weak but fun self. 
I'm not trying to gain your pity here, I'm just trying to say that not everyone is what they appear to be. Not everyone is truly happy, and that's when the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" comes in handy . 
I'm lucky enough to have great friends and an awesome family. I'm lucky enough to have people to show my private side to. 
One things for sure though, one thing that my private and public self both share, and that is confidence.


I am confident about the way I look.
I am confident about how I feel. 
I am confident about my beliefs.
I am confident about my trust. 
I am confident about my life. 


I believe that everyone has a private side where they don't show just to anyone. I imagine this to be normal. So for those who can actually relate to this, don't be upset about it, because trust me, your not the only one :)


That's yet another ramble by yours truly x

Adam.

Love is baffling, unpredictable and bewildering. 

Adam is a man who has Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder which makes him stereotyped and restricted to his patterns of behaviour. That is until he meets his new neighbour Beth who changed his entire life. She shows him how to be normal by helping him out of his comfort zone and do things he wouldn't normally do. She helps him grow up and see things in a new perspective. They are two different individuals living in two separate realities. She teaches him how to love and the connection they shared from that love allowed them to live in the same world. They accepted each other through all the problems and difficulties, she accepted him for what he was. She knew that he was 'special' yet she treated him normally. 

The movie starts off with his dad passing away, leaving a mid twenties man to lead his own life. Adam led his life like he always would when his father was still alive. Doing chores, going to work, then heading home. Until one day he was fired and Beth came along. They spent time with each other and he showed her his passion for the galaxies in space. His condition didn't allow him to read facial expressions at all, so Beth had to be patient and understanding. Her parents disapproved of the relationship saying that she deserves better, but she stood strong and paid no attention to their words. 

After many obstacles she thought about her relationship with Adam and words 'I Love You'. 

I don't want to be the person to ruin the movie for you, so I would suggest you watch it for yourself. :) 

INFO - This unforgettable movie was directed by Max Mayer in 2009 in New York. The characters Adam and Beth are played by Hugh Dancy and Rose Byrne. 

Honestly, I truly hope you'll enjoy  this movie as much as I did. 

That's another ramble from yours truly ;) x

Save Him - Justin Nozuka

Justin Nozuka is a talented singer/songwriter who sang the song Save Him which honestly brought me to tears. This song is not only sad but it's also the truth. This song is telling a story about a couple who was in love and how they were living in bliss. In the song he explains how he lived next door to this couple and how he was awakened from his sleep with yelling and cries. She's begging for her life and she prayed " Save him, Save him from the hand that he beats me on." That's the chorus of the song and it really tears my heart hearing those words being sung by him with so much emotion. 


In the song he also explains how she has a child and has become hostage to the man that she loves. When she was a little girl her dad would also beat her and she never really understood why. She would get on her knees and pray saying, " Save Him, Save Him from the hand that he beats me on," She has never really experienced a non abusive relationship, she is so familiar with the abuse that she has learned to accept it. One night he is awakened yet again and this time she was beaten to a point where there was no end to the beating. The next thing he says is -
"Get up, get up", he brings her to her feet,
And smacks her down till she falls to the ground
And over and over again,
He brings her to her feet till she can no longer stand -
And still the beating never ends
On and on and on it goes
Until he brings out a gun
And says to her "stop crying and bring me my son"
She cries harder and harder
He cries harder and harder
She says "baby please don't do this"
Two shots to her chest
And a blow to his own head
She quickly loses breath and blood rushes to their bed and baby cries his eyes out.

And just like that the song ends. The first time I heard it my mind wondered on about how there are really women out there that go through this and how they have no voice. It sent a chill down my spine. It is truly painful to listen to this song because it speaks of the raw truth that no one wants to face. 

Do you remember the song by Babyface and Stevie Wonder titles How come, How long? Its the same scenario about a girl who fell in love with an abusive man who ended her life. He speaks about how she wont have a second try because we turn our backs on the truth. The truth is we might save somebody's life if we didn't ignore the signs. Speak up. 

That's another ramble by yours truly. 

Here's Justin Nozukas "Save Him"

*Click Here*

Bruises.

He loves me.

He leaves behind evidence proving his love towards me.

It hurts most of the time, but I have become immune to the pain.

I sit and stare.

When he’s not there.

Another piece of love he leaves behind is now on my white bony arm.

Blue. Black. sometimes even yellow.

He came home around one.

Looked at me with those fiery eyes.

And yet another blow.

This time his love was fierce.

This time his markings were worse.

There was red warm thick rivers’ gushing down my face.

I knew now this was it.

All I did was wait.

My vision cleared.

And I could hear,

The words I LOVE YOU escaped his lips,

The pain.

The blood.

Had disappeared.

Now I was at peace.

Then it ended.

I was Gone.

x